By entering into marriage, we take a great risk. We place our very selves… our own intimacy… into the hands of another, who, like us, is beset with defects.
A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. -Dave Meurer
Marriage, however, is a vocation; our specific pathway to Heaven.
It’s the preeminent way we are meant to Love and serve God on this earth. Its purpose goes beyond our capabilities: to nurture and protect human Love, and to unleash it on the world.
Therefore, Love for one’s spouse has to be shown in tangible, practical ways.
Your Wife
One of your wife’s greatest needs is for you to be her partner and teammate, as opposed to the roles you may be more inclined to fill: coach, boss, referee, babysitter or “temp”.
Compliment your wife in person and behind her back. Let her know with very specific and sincere examples how much you admire her and her work inside and outside of the home. Let others know it, too, whether in her presence (like at social gatherings) or outside it (like work). You want to make it apparent to her that you notice and appreciate her every effort, and apparent to others that… ” This man really loves his wife!”
Don’t teach your wife to nag or sulk. Yes, you read it right. You do this when you don’t pay undivided attention to her words and ideas. A woman detests having to force her way into her husband’s mind and heart; and when faced with that task, she will likely keep things bottled up until she has to explode. Unthinking males refer to this as “nagging”.
Therefore, recognize that TV, newspapers, magazines, mail, hobbies, etc. are your mortal enemies when you get home from work. Avoid them, go straight to your wife, and with eye-to-eye contact, listen to her tell you how her day has gone. Better yet, take the initiative and ask her how she’s doing at least once a week – and give her all the time and attention she needs to tell you.
Don’t try to explain or fix your wife’s hurts. She usually only wants your understanding and empathy not solutions to her problems. Do not trivialize her concerns.
Help with menial tasks around the house. It can be a form of pride to think that these jobs are beneath you. One helpful and challenging suggestion is to perform the task that either you or your wife detests the most. Doing either one will please her greatly.
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. -Amy Grant
Your Husband
Don’t expect him to be perfect. It’s to be hoped that the above points will have reminded him that he’s not perfect, and that he needs to work hard to fulfill his commitment of love in marriage. Make sure you let him know, in concrete ways, that you deeply appreciate his struggle – it is very important to a man that his best and honest efforts are treasured.
Do not expect him to be like a woman. He thinks, acts, and reacts differently than you do; and believe it or not, this is a good thing! Do not fall for the contemporary caricature of men as testosterone-poisoned little boys in adult bodies incapable of commitment, personal relationships, or any other useful societal purpose. His maleness is there for you as a complement to your femininity…in other words…as strength for you.
Lavish tenderness and care on your husband. Little matters more to a married man than the certainty of his wife’s deep affection and care for him. It’s his fixed point amid the chaotic demands of his professional life. You will express this best not by doing occasional, extraordinary things, but by unrelenting acts of simple tenderness on a regular basis.
Loving unconditionally and always putting your husband or wife first and meeting their needs is the surest way to have and keep a happy relationship.
If each of you takes these matters to Heart, you will find that Loving your spouse unconditionally is the most romantic thing you can do… because you will be living Love where it really counts: in the ordinary things, day by day by day.
In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer. -H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver
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